Sta Wa Pre-Tril Eps (abreves: Star Wars: Episodes 1-3)

Watched these pretty much out of order ongoing for like 2 weeks n'shit and know what? Fuckin' awesome. Lotta people out there want to hate on this shit and I admit, I fucking hated these heaps of shit and pointed just like everyone else that walked by and was like "Yo, Lucas, you fucking destroyed whatever was left that I held dear from my fucking childhood, mutherfuckah, but, whatever, take these piles of shit and fucking turn them into gold for all I care" and then I turn away and walk down the street and wouldn't you know it George turns the shit into gold. I guess he's a more powerful sorcerer than Jesus was. Whatevs. But that was the old me, the new me is part of the Church of George Lucas. Those movies are mmm ... notthatbad. I like all the fight scenes and I got my problems with the shit but I fuckin' loooove the way the fuckin' Sith lords are represented. Bad ass. I'd turn to the dark side of the force so fucking quick, I'd be all a youngling jedi knight in training and my master and I would be dispatched to take care of some Sith fucking dude out in some far-reaching system and we'd confront that dude and he'd be all "Yo, the dark side is awesome" and I'd behead my master with my lightsaber right there, then I'd learn the dark side of the force from the Sith guy and then I'd fucking ice that dude as soon as I could. Bang, instant Sith bad ass. But I could never have a ship more badassly named than Slave 1, 'cause fuckin' Boba Fett already took that name. Shit. [Side review: Watched a bit of MTV series True Life where this dude is real embarassed of his dad who's a Star Wars fanatic, goes to cons n'shit, and dresses like a jedi knight, fuck. So anyway, the dad takes his son to a con and they find these Stormtrooper dudes who let the son put on the Stormtrooper armor and the dad starts cryin' and shit cause he's all emotional and shite that his son is putting on a g.d. Stormtrooper outfit, feck, and then the dude who's armor it was starts cryin' cause he wasn't all that close with his dad. Gawd. Society, man. It's fucked].

The Hills Season Finale ... Psyche!

Word this shit was pretty good, y'know, they had the whole run up to the finale with buncha cast members showin' up on a red carpet n'shit and we got to check out what they were wearing and, yo, Audrina and B'tizzney looked dopeness per uge (abreves: usual ... even I need a abreves defin there, dag). So word, big news is that LC is comin' back for another season, like type immediately and it's gonna be like all her experiences in France n'shit which is good for us 'cause B'tizzney will be there too and yo, B'tizzney? the way she talks, man? damn, it's like awesome ... it's like valley, only you know that underneath is just like an awesome sweet bird who's super intelligent and I'm all "Yo, B'tizzney, I don't just want to know what's under that dress, I want to know what's in your head, y'know?" You think she'd dig that? Like trying to know her mind n'shit? Well, whatever, it's a moot point cause my roommate Ryan called B'tizzney as his Hills girlfriend, we each get one, and I called Audrina, kind of a knee-jerk response, but now I'm kind of second-guessin', y'know? Like I think I want to Hills-cheat on my Hills-girlfriend, Audrina, with my roommate's Hills-girlfriend, B'tizzney. Does that make me Real-Justin Bobby? Word up.

Tila Tequila - Reunion show

Two words: Shit is staged. Man, lame zone. I hate Tila Tequila, but you know what? I'll watch every show she's on. Crazy right? I know. I even watched some of her New Years Eve masquerade which was lame zone. Natch. And you know what's stupid? MTV was like promoting the balls off of the NYE thing? Before the Reunion show? And then at the Reunion show? They're all like, "Yo, we have some special announcements to make" and I'm like "yeeeaaaah, oookaaaay" and they're like "Tila's going to host some stupid fucking NYE masquerade shit!!!" and I toss my hands up and fall back on the sofa rolling my eyes a couple times like "No shit, sherlock, you been advertising the fucking shit all fucking for two weeks n'shit. Geez!" But cool thing is Lil' Illy and Ashley get their own show where Lil' gets to go bird-doggin' and Ashley gets to watch. So do we.

Sad news

My Dig Cabes got shut off cause me and my roommates were late on paying some bill or something so they shut it off. In the meantime I'm catching up on some reviews. Werrrd.

Because I Said So

Yo, this shit is for birds, y'know? Like, yo, May Moe (Mandy Moore, c'mon people get with the abreves already ... shit) is, like, all chummy with her mommy Die Kee ... (... groan ... Diane Keaton) and is all talkin' 'bout 'gasms n'shit, and she's all, like, "It's like losing control but in a good way" and I'm all what the fuck is that? And the other b'tizz daughters, La Grah n' Pipe Pear are all chummy, too, it's like the effing line between parent and offspring is totally ignored in their family and they're all getting messages together as like a bird bonding type activity and Die Kee is hatin' on Pipe Pear's thong n'shit and I never thought Pipe Pear was all that hot really, I shut off Coyote Ugly when the dude started playing the piano which is a major effing DLV in my opinion when wooing birds, y'know, but whevs, Die Kee is hatin' on Pipe Pear's thong and I'm all hate the game not the playa cause Pipe Pear's pear is offffaathaaahoooook! sucka!

The Hills - Season 3 - Episode 14

So, this ep was supposed to be the mid-season zenith (nadir?) where LC runs into Heidi and they're all drama n'shit at this H'wood party. It's like, "Chill, birds, Is this scripted?" Which is the natural question when watching The Hills, but a trap that one should always try to avoid, cause it's like, yo, do people tell them what to say? I don't know, but LC's anger seems real, she's a good actress, or just a good person, good at being herself in front of the camera? But while the camera is all jumping from stone-face LC and kinetic-face, scowling, incredulous Heidi with her bleached blonde hair flipping all around n'shit and her all gesticulating, purse in hand. And I'm like yo, show some more of Whit-B'tizz-ney or just her voice, man. Her voice ... man, her voice. And they're all at LC's apartment again with the drams. I think this ep was better when it was "Scenes from the next Hills" not as a full ep. So then jump to Justin Bobby displaying his Master-level Game on Audrina who's all "Why don't you just use the stuff that turns your hair into dreads?" while touching his grimy hair, his face buried in his forearms leaning on the bar. "Because that defeats the purpose" - Justin Bobby. Fucking-A. It defeats the G.D. purpose, y'all. A-thefuck-men. I'm like "Yo, that shit is not cool" (white people getting dreads) but then "Wait, maybe it is ... I mean Justin Bobby is getting dreads ..." Then belch, chuckle and watch Audrina melt and ooze all over the bar stool. Cause The Hills might not be real but whatevs, it's really on TV and that's fo realz.

World Broadcast Premiere of "Darkon"

Sooo, buncha barneys (mostly bros) head out into the woods of Maryland and Virginia for a massive, collective Make Believe, combat-style Ren Faire sesh and hammer away on each other with foam battle-axes n'shit. But it's, like, they make these mother-huge fuckin' shields and it's like you're trying to stab some dude standing behind a refrigerator. Lame. Zone. They're all like, "Waa, I got to work at Circuit City", "Waa, there's no honor in the world any more", "Waa, I was born in the wrong time", "Waa, I have no power in my real life", "Waa, I can't talk to girls", "Waa, I only have relationships sessual in nature when I'm in character in Darkon", "Waa, everyone in my high school said I made a hit-list", "Waa, sometimes when I'm working at Starbucks and the customers are griping about how long their non-fat-half-caff-double-shot latte is taking I just think about Darkon and campouts and putting on my armor and imagining the Starbucks customers in armor and hacking off their limbs with my Black Great Sword." It's like that. It's like the movie says Darkon is a place where people go to find their inner strength because they can't tap it in the 'real' world. But it's not at all. Darkon is where dudes go to try to be sessier in their own minds and mabes hook up with some Medieval Times broad who used to be a stripper. And Dan was all "This makes me want to be a bully." And I was all, "Hell yeah," but I didn't even look at Dan when I was saying 'hell yeah', I was thinking, pensively thinking, thinking what if there was some semi-b'tizz bird I met and she had like, this wild imagination and kind of cool style (like hippy but hotter, like she wore scarves n'shit with patterns on them) and we went out on a couple dates and she was like "What kind of books do you read?" and I was all "Epic fantasy, what else?" or "Epic fantasy and epic sci-fi fantasy, what else?" and she was all "I love Song of Ice and Fire" and then that would put me over the edge I think, but then, like on the third date she was all "I'm going to this thing this weekend, I can't hang out" and I would be like "What thing is that?" and she would be like "It's this thing that I do on the weekends sometimes ... ", "So ... tell me ... C'mon, it's whatevs", "uhh, it's called Darkon" ... ... "Darkon? I saw that documentary about that shit. Looks cool to me! So, tell me about your character. Want to go back to your apartment and you can show me your outfits?" (Cause you know, she's still semi-b'tizz and I'm trying to get there) and she would be all surprised and super worked up then and like "Oh my god! I thought you'd judge me and not be attracted to me any more" and I'd be all "What? I read comic books, I'm not in a posish to judge, sugar" and she'd be like "I have a great idea you can come along this weekend! If you want to that is ..." and I'd want to, more or less, I'd be curious about the whole deal, and so we'd get in her Toyota and drive down for like 5 hours to Maryland pretending that the car was maybe, like, a vehicle to an alternate reality, Darkon, and I guess I'd have gotten a costume together like a barbarian soldier of fortune with an axe, but not like He-Man gay style barbarian style, but more realistic like Qhorin Halfhand of the Nights Watch in SoIaF, and I'd be thinking "Man, I'm gonna be the coolest, most bad-assed guy at this shit" to myself and we'd show up and unpack the gear and the semi-b'tizz bird would get her gypsy princess gear together and we'd put up the tent and I'd be thinking "Aw yeah, word! We gonna sleep in this tent tonight!" but then we'd be hanging with some other dudes around a fire and they'd all be dressed like knights and would be hitting on the semi-b'tizz bird I was there with(!) in that real lame-zone nerd way where they're acting all stupid and shit trying to get her attention and it's all working and shit and I'm like, to myself, like, "What. The. Fuck. Is going on here!?" and then I'm like "Hey, semi-b'tizz bird, let's get out of here and go back to our tent," and she'd be all in her princess gear like "How dare you talk to me you heathen, I'm a princess and you're but a lowly barbarian, and you could call me Atheniallia of Mordruia, if you were worthy to talketh to me," and I'd sort of be quiet not sure how to process this stuff and she'd come over and be like in a hushed voice "My character wouldn't interact with your character here in Darkon" and then she'd go off with one of the knights in the woods and do whatever, make out or something, so, I don't think I'd be able to go out with a bird that was in to Darkon. But the birds have the big advantage in Darkon cause they got their pick of the nerds there and even the not-so-hot birds are like the Cate Winslet of Darkon.